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Yea yea, Happy 2012 guys~! Haha, I’m only 19 days late :P
So I disappeared to go play Maple Story (I know, the shame of having to admit that) but I also like to add, I end up more productive when I game… I actually applied to more jobs during these past few weeks than before I started playing @.@ and still going 
It’s really weird. I remember my first semester in college, I ended up a not-so-spectacular GPA (it might have been me adjusting to college life/coursework), but for the second semester, I did a lot better and brought my GPA up, despite the fact that I was playing World of Warcraft a lot… What does this mean?
It might be the fact that if I game in blocks of time, I end up doing more work cause:
a) I manage my time more efficiently
b) I feel guilty for playing games so I do more work
However, if I deprive myself of games, what ends up happening is that I just push it off, knowing I have nothing to do later, but then this continuously happens, so in the end, I get no work done.
Does anyone see any sense in this????
So Chinese New Year is coming up (Jan 23 
) and this is when my family actually celebrates a holiday. That means a lot of cleaning beforehand (I actually woke up cause my mom was vacuuming) and now I have a neat excuse to go all OCD Time to go clean my room 
I’ve been playing Final Fantasy X and X-2 (almost done with X-2). I started playing FF-X on July 11…. And I’ve been playing everyday since then. Apparently, 17 days have passed by without me realizing it. That also means, 17 days since I left the house. Yes, I didn’t even realize.
So I guess this makes me pathetic? Ugh, I don’t even know anymore. Personally, I don’t care that I’m a hermit and don’t leave the house. I don’t think anything of it. But apparently other people think I’m depressed or miserable. One friend seemed to think that I was bored after I moved back upstate, but that isn’t the case. I don’t need to be social to have fun. And I was a little offended when he even suggested that.
And with the last 17 days going to gaming, that means I haven’t been job-hunting. I know, shame on me, but I really don’t have the motivation (even though I want to move out and I’m going to lose health insurance coverage). I get the feeling that I’m “burned-out” after 5 years of college, but it’s just me being lazy. The past year has just been me slacking off, and it’s a little irritating, but I still continue to do it. And the more I complain about life, the more I think I seem to hate mine… I need to change that.
Lately, I’ve been having vivid dreams that I remember:
1. Three dreams/nightmares about zombie apocalypses, but everyone was pretty normal with their lives. They didn’t let zombies roaming around prevent them from going to work or living. Just extra precautions. It was quite strange.
2. This one was really traumatizing, for two reasons. Firstly, I had to shoot a porno and set up a camera in the bedroom, but I was having second thoughts and seeking advice from a veteran porn star O.O Anyways, we had to leave the bedroom but I accidentally left the camera on and some other woman went to rent the bedroom. She placed this creepy doll within the camera’s view and I knew that the doll was going to kill the woman that night, and perhaps me because I was sleeping in an adjacent room. So I was trying to tell the pornstar that if both the woman and I were dead, she should check the camera to see if the doll did it…. So creepy, I hate dolls. And the fact that I had to be in a porn scared the shit out of me.
3. Vampire dream about how I had to rescue a woman from a house and I was waiting for a boy to come back from town, but he was taking too long so I decided to go look for him. But I forgot what he looked like…
I dunno what my dreams are trying to tell me….
I’m almost done with Final Fantasy X @.@
WARNING: This might get pretty long….
I’ve definitely changed since my high school years, but sometimes I don’t know if it’s in a good or bad way. Also, I felt in some aspects, I haven’t even improved upon areas that really need help (like my social skills). Now, I feel like all these changes have been a bit overwhelming, but they should be confronted before I move on with my life (Way to have an identity crisis at 22…). Ok, so some changes since high school until now:
1. I’m not into anime anymore- Not really sure what happened here, but I think it’s just that sitting in front of my computer for 20min per week, per series that just deters me from watching it. Also, I feel like most of the animes being made don’t really fit my tastes anymore. (I, however, really enjoy reading manga, maybe because I read a lot quicker than watching a 20min show)
2. Since around junior year of high school, I kinda stopped liking the visual kei scene. I dunno if my hearing changed or not, but I felt like some visual kei bands were relying heavily on the way they looked instead of the way they sounded… Music should always be #1! But with that said, the only J-rock bands I really listened to recently are like Girugamesh, Kuroyume/SADS, Duel Jewel, Cali-Gari, and An Cafe…
3. I started listening to a lot more K-Pop, specifically Big Bang and SS501. There’s just something about T.O.P’s voice that makes me love him so much and SS501 just keeps making catchy songs that aren’t annoying
4. I am not so much a tomboy… well I don’t know about this one. I used to never care about cleansers and makeup and all that nonsense, but then I started getting bad acne and now I’ve invested so much into face wash, face masks/moisturizers and BB cream… But I still love my gaming, although it’s just RPGs/MMOs, I’m not really a FPS person, but I might get there one day…
5. Great news, I started to get back into drawing again (started this year), but I’ve taken a different approach. I don’t really draw manga chars anymore, but more real life pictures of people (so far, it’s been G-Dragon, T.O.P and Mika Nakashima…) For some reason, I don’t like the way my manga chars end up, so I’ve been looking at pictures of celebrities online and copying them, focusing on shading and forming a realistic picture, but unfortunately, they don’t look like the original people, so I tend not to tell people it’s GD or TOP…
6. I lost weight! Finally, I lost a significant amount of weight and I’m not back to my size in high school, which is still fat… But at least I know what works for me and I will continue the hard work
7. I actually procrastinate more than in high school (definitely bad). I used to have a rule that I would do work in the morning and have to finish by noon or 3pm (depending on the assignment) and I actually did live by this rule. And in the afternoons, I spent watching TV, playing games and drawing. Nowadays, it’s like, “let me watch some TV, I have plenty of time…” or “Just one dungeon in this video game…” What happened to me? Seriously? Usually people grow up and be more productive…
All these changes… I don’t know who I am at times or how I should act… I’m 22, I feel like i should be independent or at least mature, neither of which I am at all. Also, I’m still socially awkward and I have been having trouble making friends, especially with the people in my BME class. The worse thing about staying at the same school is that all my close friends left/graduated and now I’m stuck with all the acquaintances that are STILL acquaintances. And trust me, we didn’t want to be friends then and we don’t want to be now. We can talk about class work and the like, but if I can’t have a conversation with someone on multiple levels, then I cannot be friends with them. And there’s apparently one guy in my year that seems to be picking out certain people to be friends with and it’s a bit annoying… Also, it seems cliques have formed in my class, enough said. And some people are just awkward to begin with, so me and them being awkward = no good…. Ugh, I need to meet the people outside my class…
I’m just so socially awkward…. Never knowing the right thing to say… And I don’t talk to people I don’t really know much. It’s once that I start talking to you that it’s easy, but it’s just the initial greeting that’s always awkward…
Last weekend, I bought Korean groceries (SO EXPENSIVE 
) so I could make my own Korean food. It’s not too bad, I can only make the spicy rice cake dish and some side dishes, but that’s it. Btw, I bought Soybean paste instead of Blackbean paste so I can’t make Jajjangmyeon…. I can’t read, ok?
I GOT SHADOW HEARTS COVENANT<3<3<3<3<3 Need I say more?
I really don’t like my layouts so far, so here is v3! I think I’ll be keeping this one, but I’ll need to format some minor details. Maybe add some cool things =/ I really need to get more creative too. Also, the menu tabs on the upper left hand corner don’t seem to work like I want them to in Firefox or IE so please use chrome~ It’s faster. But if you are using FF/IE and want to know what they are supposed to be like, they’re supposed to protrude out to the right when you hover over them. If anyone can give me some hints about fixing it, I’ll be very thankful
So I saw Inception Friday, it was so worth my $9. We missed the matinée price ($6) so we didn’t know what to do =/ I waste so much money D: But ironically after that, I dreamt about a lot of different things. One was about me being in this crazy contest about biomedical experimentation and we were split into teams. The teams that couldn’t finish their work were killed o.o It was pretty scary. And we had to change locations a lot, and sometimes it wasn’t so straightforward how to get to the next location, at one point we were climbing trees @.@
I need to finish Zelda before the school work gets demanding :/